I’m disillusioned today. It might be because of my enormous lack of sleep lately. I’m just having a really tough time going to bed and making myself stay there long enough TO sleep. Even when I’m in bed with the lights off and the TV off my mind is racing. The past few nights I’ve been using my old treehouse trick. That’s where I pretend that my bed is high in the boughs of an enormous tree and is gently rocking back and forth. Dunno why, but my brain gets caught up in imagining it and slows down enough for me to relax. It doesn’t work all the time, though.
Even with the treehouse trick I don’t go to sleep before 1:30 or 2 most days. Which wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t have to be up at 6:30. Most nights I average about 5 hours of sleep. I can function on such, but an extended amount of sleeplessness is definitely taking its toll. I’m exhausted all the time now. And I’m cranky as shit. EVERYone annoys the bejesus out of me. Especially people I work with. And to a lesser extent people online… ::shrugs:: OK, most everybody I interact with then.
I’m so tired that my main two emotions are apathy and irritation. I know I have work to be done, but I don’t care enough to make myself do it. And then I’m irritated with every person that comes to my desk asking me to do something or needing information. Just about the only place I’m not irritated as hell with is my new forum, UpstateGeeks.com. But one can only surf the web at work so much before one gets oneself into deep shit. So, I don’t live on the forums as much as I’d like.
New writing is currently at a standstill. I resurrected one of my very old stories, “Home Again”, and edited it. I’m going to take it to writers’ meeting and see what they think. Personally I’m not too fond of the story, but I think it has some kind of potential somewhere. I think I’ve come a long way in the six years since I wrote it. The story’s a lot tighter now and has a lot less empty words, but I still just don’t know if it’s good enough to send out. Not that I’m sending anything out anyway. But you know what I mean. The new stuff is gestating (I hope). Right now I’m just concentrating on getting through the days at work without killing myself or anyone else, so when I get home, especially after not sleeping well, I’m no good to anybody, least of all my muse. This has gotta stop somehow…