My god! It's time for an update...

In my defense, there have been several factors keeping me from posting:

1. It snowed two weeks ago. This would normally not be a blog deterrent, but one of the lovely old trees in our backyard had evidently been strangled to death by the creeping ivy wending its way up the tree's gnarly trunk and was simply waiting for an opportune time to topple over and destroy as much as it could with its rotting corpse. Unfortunately, brought down by the weight of wet Southern snow and thick ice, it fell directly on our house (without passing Go or collecting $200, not that a tree would really need that much money, ever) and killed the internet connection, not to mention the gutters and part of the roof. Charter, being entrenched in the infinite wisdom of complete and total idiocy, says they won't fix the internet until the roof is fixed. So, the only place I have to access the internet (and subsequently update my blog) is at work. Which you all know is one of those places that is truly supportive of recreational internet usage while you're supposed to be businessifying your day. NOT.

2. I contracted some strain of what I believe to be the bubonic plague (or something of the like) and spent nearly a week and a half coughing up chunks of lung, staring blankly at the TV, taking my temperature roughly five thousand times to make SURE I really did have a fever of 102.8 and basically wishing for death. Death is a great sleep aid, or so I've heard, and the fever and chills and coughing and hacking and snorting and all the other disgustingly glamorous things that happen when you get whatever I got quite efficiently kept me from sleeping. I missed four days of work (unheard of), went to the doctor TWICE, took ten billion milligrams of antibiotic, drank a tanker truck's worth of cranberry-apple juice, and searched in vain for cartoons in the horrifying land of daytime TV talk shows. (Oprah... please do me the very great honor of kissing my ass.) On a side note, during the third day of wishing for death I found the old Disney cartoon movie of Robin Hood, which I'd loved as a kid (Foxy Robin was so dashing! I wanted to be just like him when I was a kid). After about fifteen minutes of listening to the silly songs and watching Prince John suck his thumb I was out like a light and slept like a baby for at least three hours.

3. I'm daunted by this blog sometimes because I feel like it's really a I-had-cereal-for-breakfast kind of blog, and when I look back over some of the posts, I feel like it's boring, and what's the point of writing boring shit? However, this is a way of me keeping in touch with friends and so on, so I wanted to update and let y'all know I'm not dead. I've also decided I'm going to start posting more informational and opinionated entries, so expect the coming weeks and months to be a little different from the norm (hopefully, anyway).

So that's it, kids. Oh, and because of the illness and lack of internet the 50 submissions goal is kind of at a standstill, but I haven't put it aside. I'm still trying for it, dammit. AND, one bright spot in the universe is that I'm writing some again. I finally cornered my muse and forced her to speak to me. The result is a rather violent piece that's still currently under construction, and it involves a psycho who has an old calvary sword from his great-grandfather who was in the Civil War (that's the War of Northern Agression for all you Rebs out there), and has decided to carve up some people with it. Yay, yippee!! I missed writing about crazy people.

Take care, all. I'll post again as soon as I can.