Blah blah blog.

For the past couple of days I've been stuck in a tiny little room at work because over the weekend we had a flood at the office. The room we're in is just a little bit bigger than a small closet, and there's five of us in here. I am currently typing this on a laptop (JESUS I hate laptop keyboards - screws my touch typing all to hell) and sitting at a tiny little table covered in wires from the phone, computer and fans around me. Yes - it's snowing, the high today is 18 degrees, and I am surrounded by fans. I always wanted a bunch of fans around me, but this isn't what I was thinking of.

So the Colts are going to the Super Bowl. I think we are actually going to watch it this year. Erin's originally from Chicago, so she'll yell for the Bears. Against my will, I have started liking the Colts (a few weeks ago, I found myself yelling at the TV: "RUN, Marvin!! RUN, RUN, RUN!!!"). We're going to do the whole beer/mini pizzas/piglets in a blanket thing. And those commercials! I think I'm more looking forwad to the commercial breaks than the actual game itself. Regardless, it should be a fun time. I wish that our company would be like the Catholic schools in Florida and give us Monday off to recuperate. I plan on drinking a shit-TON of beer.

Colts fever has overtaken the city. Everywhere you look something is blue. Businesses have changed out the regular white lights that highlight their offices at night and made them blue. People are wearing all kinds of Colts stuff, cars are decorated all over, and the governor even decreed that a Colts flag be flown on the State House, along with the state flag and the American flag. (Allow me to be sour and cynical about our country for a moment and reflect that that particular display seems to have our nation's priorities outlined with perfect accuracy - country, state, pro football. WOOOO HOOO! GO AMERICA! WE ARE ROCK STARS!) But anyway, this town has gone nuts. If we win, there may be riots. LOL!

It's cold as hell here and it keeps snowing in little bursts. I love the winter cold and snow; it's one of the things I will sorely miss if we decide to move back to SC. While the Hoosiers bitch about it, I just kind of sit back and smile and think about 70 degree Christmas Eves and bright, sunshiny Thanksgivings and warm, mild New Year's Eve nights where you could go outside, drunk as hell, and smoke a cigarette in your short-sleeved shirt and not have to worry about freezing to death. It's nice I guess... but I do love cold and snow and wintery days. STUPID GLOBAL WARMING! Dammit, I want some real snow!!! I want to make snow angels and build a snowman! I want a snow day from work! GRRRR!!!

~Becky

Responsibility Boot Camp

Evidently we're getting relatively serious about the idea of moving to SC. Erin and I have been talking about it for the past few days, kicking around ideas about money, and time, and when we'd like to move, and how, and to where, etc. Last night we sat up until 12:30 looking at house listings online. We found a couple that were ok, but nothing that stands out in a serious way. Erin's mom has a very good realtor, though, and I'm sure that if we're serious about moving into a house she can help us out. Right now we're looking in the Greenville area and there are a lot of options for us to choose from.

I still can't decide if we're completely serious about this or if we're looking at it as some kind of escape hatch... We're lonely up here, and we miss our friends and family, so it's natural to be thinking of better places and better times. The more I think about it, though, the more right it seems to be. I think I was meant to be in the South. I have always been a Southerner, and always will be - I haven't lost a bit of that since moving to Indiana. If nothing else, it's actually gotten stronger - I have an SC state flag sticker on my desk at work, and one of my favorite polos has the palmetto and the moon on it, and my truck has one of those stickers on it too. Every time I see these things it makes me happy.

Last night I said to Erin, "This move to Indiana and the last two years has been like responsibility boot camp". And it really has. Before I moved up here I was a totally different person... completely irresponsible with money, jobs, people. When I moved up here, I shredded my safety net. I couldn't rely on anyone but myself when it came to money, or finding a job, or dealing with friends and family. It was the ultimate sink-or-swim situation. For a while there I really did struggle to keep my head above that proverbial water (*cough*BroadRipple*cough*), but now I've made it past the difficulties and am doing well with maintaining my life. That's something I was never able to make myself do for any long period of time while I was in SC. Now that I've been doing it for so long, I can't imagine living the way I used to. Now that I have the habits in place, and the emotional and mental tools needed to live a responsible lifestyle, I think I would do well in South Carolina. I think I might actually even thrive. I think I might finally be able to be that person I've been trying to be for so long.

Well, maybe.

~Becky

A woman in the White House?

Reading over my blog from yesterday I see that Blogspot DOES separate things by day like Livejournal, there's just not a bold heading stating the date like there is on Livejournal. So, sorry Blogspot. MY BAD!!

That retraction being made, on to the next fun-filled blog entry...

As I was out of it all this weekend, I didn't learn until yesterday evening that there's a new candidate in town that's running for president... HILLARY!! HOLY CRAP! Now, I know that some of you guys out there *cough*DNR*cough* are dyed in the wool republicans and wouldn't cross the street to piss on Hillary if she was on fire. And hey, that's cool. That's what being in America is supposed to be about, right? (Note that I say "supposed to be" in that sentence... here lately I think that America has lost sight of what we're all about besides A) being mad at each other, B) getting the last word in and being right, C) making more money in a month than a resident of a third-world nation sees in five years, and D) screwing or stepping on anyone who gets in the ways of our personal, professional or political goals... but I'm not really all THAT opinionated in the matter. Sorry about the mini-rant, but I just get so disgusted with us sometimes.)

I'm excited that she's running. If she makes it through the primaries and all the way to the big show in '08, I'll most likely vote for her. Who am I kidding... of course I'll vote for her. A female president?! Will it really happen?! I just don't know... I think there's a chance, but I don't know if the general populace is ready for someone like Hillary to lead our country.

I have no idea what her stance is on the issues I'm really concerned with (at the top of the list is the war and gay marriage), and of course I'll research this before I make my final decision to vote. I'm just crossing all my fingers and hoping that America is ready to at least give her a chance to get all the way through to that last huge three-ring political circus that is election year. And wouldn't it be a fabulous final fuck-you to Dubya if she wins? YEAH!!

I also heard on the news last night that there are four key states that the politicians are really focusing on, because they could turn the tide of electoral votes in a way that hasn't been done before, and guess what one of them is? Yep, you guessed it... South Carolina. Now, SC has been a red state for a long time, but due to the increasing number of African-American voters, those statistics are slowly but surely changing... and SC might actually swing to the democratic side of the fence for '08. I'll believe it when I see it (South Carolina has always been by and large republican, for as long as I can remember), but it's still nice to think that my home state might actually be influential in the election. I don't feel like my democratic vote counts for much in Indiana, a state that voted 67% republican in '04. What was the SC percentage you ask? Much more slim... 51% republican, 49% democrat. Maybe they'll actually change with this election... well, I can dream, can't I?

Well, that's all for Tuesday's politics talk. I feel a little pretentious posting about politics on my journal, especially considering I don't talk about it much at all, but I'm really excited about Hillary's campaign. Wheeee!! Regardless of the outcome, this is gonna be fun!

~Becky

Brain Delimmas, cont'd.

You know I like how Livejournal groups their journal entries by the day, and doesn't separate them out individually. With that thought being voiced, we move on to the next entry about the SC moving debate...

A friend of mine in South Carolina read my earlier post and sent me an email about it. This is what she had to say:

When it comes to matters such as these I want you to remember one thing: People first, THEN MONEY, then things. That is one of Suze Orman's mottos and it has really helped me with decisions such as these. It is absolutely true that if you are unhappy then you could make billions of dollars and it wouldnt mattter. You know all this, though.

And aside from money I can see where you're coming from, too. I think of you and Erin (my girlfriend) as an island up there. And while it is important as a couple for you to establish yourselves as a unit in your community, and a free standing operation-are you sure you need to be in Indianapolis to do that? I think if anything being in the South would be a good challenge. Sure southerners arent as gay-friendly as northerners, but who cares? I mean, isnt that just categorizing and stereotyping those you wish not to receive judgment from? I feel that if we dont give our communities the chance to be supportive, then how will we all grow?

In my email reply, I said:

Indianapolis is a great town, and I do really like it a lot. It's got a lot more than Greenville in the terms of culture, and people, and jobs, and food, and musical venues, etc, etc, but... I've been here for two and a half years, almost, and it still doesn't seem like home to me. I kind of feel like I'm just staying here, like someone who's renting an apartment or a hotel room, and waiting for something else to happen. Just because I don't feel very attached to a city doesn't mean I don't admire it, though, and see the differences between it and Greenville. But again... you could stay in the damn Grand Palace Resort every day, but if all you do there is exist, what's the point of staying?

I think it comes down to that life is too short to waste on concepts of things like a steady job that will help you pay your bills, if that job means you lead a gray existence. Erin and I make each other really happy, but we're the only close friends we have up here. And that gets REALLY exhausting on a relationship.

I don't know if I really love this town, or if I just like what it has to offer. Greenville would be close to all our friends and family (Spread throughout Atlanta, Lyman, Greenville, Gray Court, Charlotte, and Florence).

She brings up a good point about helping communities to grow... shoulda told her that. Anyway, just wanted to post some more thoughts about the topic.

~Becky

Delimmas of the BRAIN

I've been thinking. (And before you ask, yes, it hurt some but not as much as it could, and yes, you probably do smell smoke. And I know thinking is a dangerous past time, but I just can't seem to help myself. I tried shoving a crayon up my nose to make my brain calm down, but it didn't work. I CAN color anything chartreuse with my left nostril now, though.)

Anyway. Welcome to the evident journal of randomness. Back to those thoughts I was thinkin'... (what are you doing, Becky? Thinking my thoughts...)

I'm seriously considering moving back to South Carolina next year. The only thing keeping me here is my job, which is fabulous - amazing people, pay, position, benefits, etc - but still, it's just a job. My family is in SC. My friends (family of choice, really) are in SC. I don't have anyone here that understands me the way my friends back home do. I mean, I have people that I work with that I dearly love, and hang out with sometimes, but they just don't know me the way I need for friends to know me... and I don't know how to change that. I do NOT trust people easily and I don't know if I can be comfortable with my work friends to the same degree I am with my friends at home.

I would miss Indiana and the friends I've made, and I would seriously regret it if I had to give up my job (I could see if there was some way I could still work on a remote basis from South Carolina, but I seriously doubt that they'd OK that sort of thing). But I've been asking myself... what is really important? I've always said that friends, family and living your life to the fullest are more important than any job. And if it's only the job that's holding me here, why not go back to SC?

At the same time... the South is a very hard place to live for someone who's gay. One of the things I love about Indiana is that my girlfriend and I are just like any other couple to just about everyone. We can actually walk down the street holding hands without the fear of being looked at like we have three heads each, or being screamed at, or being told that we're going to hell when we die. When we decide to have a baby, the doctors here will be helpful and respectful of the fact that we're a lesbian couple. I work at a company that has domestic partner benefits, so she can get good medical care if needed.

But is all that worth being lonely all the time? Because we are. We long for the people we left behind. Not the place, the people. I miss the South - it's my home and I'll always be a Southerner - but mostly, I miss our friends and family. And isn't it mainly the people of a place that makes the place what it is?

I just don't know what to think. More later - I've got work to do. ;)

~Becky

Let me 'splain. Wait, there is too much... let me sum up.

About my journal's title...

If you're not sure who the Scheherazade is, let me tell you, so you'll understand why the title of my journal is what it is. *points up to top left hand corner of screen* That thing, you know. The name comes from 1001 Arabian nights.

As we don't have 1001 nights for me to tell it properly, here's the Reader's Digest Condensed Version of the story: 1001 Arabian nights is a collection of storytelling, beginning with Scheherazade, the heroine who voluntarily marries psychopath King Shahryar to save the lives of other young girls. Due to complicated circumstances, King Shahryar has decided that all women are deceitful, and makes it his practice to marry a virgin every night, and behead her every morning (sounds like he has some issues he needs to work out, huh?).

In the midst of all this carnage, the royal vizier’s daughter, Scheherazade, tells her father that she will marry the king and stop his butchering. Against her father’s wishes, she marries King Shahryar and carries out her plan: her younger sister, Dunyazade, is to ask Scheherazade to tell a story, in order to be overheard by King Shahryar on the night of her wedding. Throughout her wedding night, Scheherazade tells a story so enthralling, and so long, that the king cannot behead her until he hears the end of the story. Scheherazade continues to captivate the king with her stories, night after night, for 1001 nights. During that time, King Shahryar postpones Scheherazade’s death indefinitely, then finally decides that she can live.

So what does this have to do with me, you ask? Well, I've mentioned that I'm astronomy nut, and I love movies. But my greatest love when it comes to ways to spend my free time is storytelling and writing. When I'm spinning a tale, I try my damndest to be Scheherazade. Sometimes I fall short, but I do a fair job now and again, enough to keep people coming back for more. I named my journal "Aspiring Scheherazade" because I hope that one day I'll have the talent to hold someone spellbound for 1001 nights.

Hey... wanna hear a story?

~Becky

Top Ten Reasons to Stick a Ballpoint Pen In Your Eye (at work and in the home)

Top Ten Reasons to Stick a Ballpoint Pen In Your Eye (at work)

10. Two words: Hanson Muzak.
9. You might actually be able to collect on workman's comp if you do it correctly.
8. It keeps the boss out of your cubicle for at least an hour.
7. The pain keeps your mind off how many more minutes there are until lunch.
6. Co-workers see you as either a "serious artist" or a "complete lunatic". Either way, they leave you alone for once.
5. It's better than sticking a staple remover in your eye.
4. Before sticking the ballpoint pen in your neighbor's eye, attend to sticking one into thine own.
3. One eye = no depth perception = great excuse for slamming into the back of your boss' car on the way out of the parking lot.
2. If your pen's out of ink, you won't have to waste time going to the supply closet for a new one. Just sign all your documents in eye juice and blood.
1. You finally get to wear that nifty eye patch you've had your eye on since you were eight.

Top Ten Reasons to Stick a Ballpoint Pen In Your Eye (at home)

10. It's great entertainment for the kids.
9. Something to frighten off that pesky neighbor when he comes over to borrow something else.
8. The pain keeps your mind off how many more episodes of "Teletubbies" you'll have to watch in your lifetime.
7. You always have a pen handy in case someone calls and you need to write down a message.
6. Telemarketer calling? Saying "Darn it, I've got this ballpoint pen in my eye... now what were you saying?" knocks 'em off balance every time.
5. An innovative way to hang the cat's mousie toy so he can have even more fun batting it around.
4. You never have to think up another Halloween costume.
3. One eye = no depth perception = great excuse for not mowing the lawn.
2. Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of naughty kids like dad saying "Don't make me take this pen out of my eye!"
1. The neighborhood kids are terrified of you and make up legendary stories about "Old Pen-Eye".

~Becky

Random observations... aka my first post

I always start blogs and such with high aspirations, but after a few posts, I never do too well with them. So, if you're reading this and haven't seen an update in a few light-years, don't give up hope. I have not been abducted by aliens, run over by a tractor, or choked to death on a D20 (well, hopefully not - I found out the other night that I can fit seven D20s in my mouth - such is the price of boredom at the gaming table when your players get up to use the restroom). This is not the first blog I've ever done (and it probably won't be the last), so I know the drill. It's not finding time to blog... it's finding things to blog about. After a while I just get bored. I'll try not to, though. Maybe if I run out of things to write about I'll just post random observations about things I find on the internet and in my world.

That being said... since I can't think of anything of real merit to write about... on with the random observations.

I've noticed, I have a certain internet routine I follow on weekdays during lunch. The same websites in the same order every day. It's kind of comforting. Here's the routine (if you're interested, if not, why the hell are you still reading this? Go Google something!):

1. http://my.yahoo.com - this is where I hit the comics for the day. I always read Dilbert, Get Fuzzy (Bucky cracks me up), Pearls Before Swine, Foxtrot (damn that Scott Adams for going to an only-Sunday publication), and the never-ending soap opera saga of For Better or For Worse. Yeah, I know, I know. It's lame. But for some reason I just can't stop reading the damn thing. And besides, it's really the only cutesy mainstream vice I have, so sue me. As for the others - my favorite comic of all time, Calvin and Hobbes, is out of publication so I have to find my comic fix somewhere.

2. http://docbrite.livejournal.com - this is the blog of one of my favorite writers, Poppy Z. Brite. She lives in New Orleans, and went through the whole Katrina thing. She updates on a daily basis (most days). It's a good read, though lately she's been very down as she's still having to deal with post-K bullshit and chronic sciatica pain for which there's really no cure other than expensive, exploratory surgery. Still, I find it fascinating to peek into this woman's life every day. She's very open about everything and after reading her blog for a few weeks, you feel like you know her (don't worry, I'm not a stalker, I just think it's cool).

3. http://news.google.com - Come on, it's not all brain candy. We have to stay informed, right? I usually scan the headlines and see if there's anything of interest. Usually I try to find something interesting in the science category, and if not, the entertainment listings. You never know. I'm an astronomy nut and a movie freak, so either of these blurb-collections might reap something good.

4. http://movies.go.com - This is my favorite movie site on the internet. They have daily movie rumors and gossip, a weekly movie reviewer and a feature called The Buzz Bin, which gives a week's worth of info on upcoming movies. As I said, I'm a movie freak (I own over 300 movies on DVD and VHS), so this is a fun site for me.

5. http://www.myspace.com - Yeah, I can't help it. I don't update my page much, but I do check my bulletin board and see if I have messages. If I have a little extra time, I see if any of my friends have updated their pages or uploaded new pictures. If you're interested, my page is http://www.myspace.com/arethronok. There's not much to see, but I do have some pics, and a couple of fluff-type blog entries.

If I have time left over, I randomly surf. Sometimes I check the bank balance, sometimes I check email, sometimes I shuffle through MSN.com and try to find something of interest. And something that's not just lunchtime - I always have my music up, through Yahoo! launchcast. If you want to check out my station, my user name is arethronok.

Anybody got some good sites that they visit on a regular basis? I'm curious...

And what's all this "arethronok" stuff, you ask? Maybe I'll detail it in another blog entry...

...but for now, I gotta get back to work. *sigh*

~Becky